FYBMM Spitfires Vs TYBSc Churans - Match Report

...And so it was that the 13th of December, 2005 rolled around, and as ever, people went about their lives in a normal way. No one listened to Ananya Samajdar, Mini-G cracked open her tiffin box at the start of the day and Vicky didn't bother to turn up to college. Same ol' same ol'. The only difference was that today was the day that would see the culmination of all the practice sessions, teamtalks and random illustrations on the blackboard (that were supposed to depict a cricket field). That's right, twas the day of our first match in the Inter-Class Cricket Tournament. As expected, we'd been drawn up against possibly the toughest team in the tournament, the defiending champions, the TYBSc 'A' Team.

11.00am
The atmosphere in the Spitfire camp was abuzz with general excitement as theories concerning batting orders, field positions and team composition did their rounds. Of course, I missed all of this, as I had to run to Jai Hind College for the lousy debate. After receiving one last volley of disappointed glares from Jayesh, I made my way to the aforementioned haven of Sindhi-ness.

TIME LAPSE

1.45pm
I leave Jai Hind College with clouds of dust in my wake, as I attempt to get to Wilson College Gymkhana as quickly as humanly possible. Thoughts of being forced to watch from the sidelines enter my mind and i shrug them off as I reach the venue. The first sight I happen to catch a glimpse of, upon my arrival, is that of Shahvan ballz-ing up a piece of fielding behind the stumps. I don't get to ruminate on that for long, as I am informed by a calm, composed and very relaxed Mathew and a distraught, confused and hyperactive Jayesh that I am to hurry up and change and get on the field. That brings to a close Mathew's day on the field, as I see myself supersubbed on for him. The first few overs see the batsman ticking the scoreboard along at far too healthy a runrate for my liking. There's also instances of brilliant stupidity, such as Gurudutta's 12 ball over, Jayesh's 7 ball over, Rites Bhai hollering "LAND IT!!! LAND IT!!" for some reason, during Darius' over and of course, the unforgettable and often repeated sight of Shahvan missing the ball completely and it striking him on his face or chest. Ah yes and before I forget, there was also the absolute moron of an umpire (red shirt guy), who had the audacity to stand around absently, with a vacant look on his face, listening to the radio on his mobile throughout the match. When confronted (REPEATEDLY), he claimed that it was only on in one ear. That would explain some of the shocking decisions in the match... Sour grapes, but still....
And then, the masterstroke, Dhruva was called in to replace Shahvan behind the stumps and the extras seemed to dry up, big time. Maybe, just maybe we could keep them under 200. Sahirr was brought on to slow down the pace of the ball, while simultaneously being required to speed up the pace of the game. Paradoxical, non? After all, we were in danger of being screwed over for slow over-rate. Sahirr came on and picked up a couple of quick wickets, including a fine catch off his own bowling. Eventually, Sahirr, in tandem with some horribly flighted and very makeshift spin from yours truly, saw us manage to finish all our overs, with the opposition racking up an imposing 216 runs. The total was humongous, no doubt about it, but we'd given it our best shot and shown some impressive commitment in the field. Putting our bodies in harm's way to stop runs, LITERALLY, in my case (last ball, ass-first fielding action).

3:39pm
It is now time for us to take to the pitch and try to get somewhere near this ridiculous total. Not to worry though, the boundaries are short and once you get some bat behind the ball-.... SWISH!!! The ball flies through at express pace. Not even through the first over yet and the bowlers have the measure of our boys. Darius and Dhruva poke around for a bit in the sweltering heat against some searing pace, before the former was sawed off big time, by a shocker of a decision. The moronic radio-listening umpire signalled for Darius to leave the field after being 'dismissed' LBW. Stomping back to the pavilion, he seemed oblivious to the huge cheers that went up when Jayesh sauntered out to the field. Captains get louder cheers, it's a fact. Long story short, Dhruva and Jayesh fell victim to some demonic fast bowling. Their stumps were left truly shattered, even knocked right over as in Dhruva's case. Then Rites Bhai lent some comedy to the proceedings, getting stumped whilst completely out of the loop of what was going on around him. One of those 'be there' moments, to be sure. As was Reinhardt's self-assured walk straight into a pillar. The sound of the brim of his cap cracking against the pillar was hilarious. Why he did such a thing, we may never know. This passage of play also saw Jayesh leading a few other wronged members of our team to the middle to ask for the umpire to hand over his radio, so they could listen to some Ind-SL match commentary. I'm pretty sure the ump didn't see that coming. Hehehehe. If only, he'd actually handed it over. Needless to say, the ICC saw fit to hand Jayesh and the rest 75% Match Fee fines for Disrespecting the Umpire's Authority and Birthright to listen to the radio whilst umpiring (Section 13.1). Meanwhile, Rites Bhai had another 'moment', as he yelled to the batsmen, "STAY IN THE KEYS!!". It must be stated, the boy certainly has some odd phrases of encouragement to offer. Sahirr strolled in next and knocked the ball around for a bit before being dismissed. Then began the renaissance... As Sahirr returned to the pavilion, the throngs of Spitfire supporters cheered raucously for him. What started as fairly ironic cheers degenerated into unabashed hollerings. That inspired the brilliant little cameo from Reinhardt, which was appreciated by all. Kalari swaggered in next and began confidently. Over the course of his innings, he played some swashbuckling shots, much to the appreciation of all present. As with Reinhardt, every stroke played was cheered raucously by the spectators. Until of course, Reinhardt was dismissed. In walked Gurudutta and very shortly, out walked Gurudutta. Just another victim of some foolish umpiring. Wronged as he was, he felt the need to shout at the umpire and the fielders. His actions saw him slapped with a 50% Match Fee fine from the ICC for questioning the umpire's dopey judgement (section 3.16). The stage was now well and truly set at 50 odd for 7, for yours truly to play a glitzy little knock, ornate with car-smashing sixes and breathtaking fours. I could go on and on about my moment in the Sun, but in the interest of time, I shall refrain from doing so. Kalari's unfortunate end saw Shahvan strutting up to the middle and playing some unorthodox, yet effective strokes. The untimely end to my innings, one that could have gone on and on like the Energizer bunny, brought Vinny to the crease. And so it was that it was left to Vinny and Shahvan to see the match through to its logical conclusion. The very real threat of possible humiliation brought out the icy cool nerveless batsmen in these two mavericks. With edges and streaky swats galore, they carried the score to 101. Shahvan's reeling offstump signalled the end of the match, with Vinny unbeaten on 0. The planned lap of honour to celebrate a match well fought was cancelled in favour of a quick trip to Cafe Ideal.

Much thanks to the Spitfire support crew for keeping our morale high.


Awards
Man of the Match: Rites Bhai for his 3 moments of unfettered foolishness
Lemon of the Match: Shahvan for his sieve-like hands
Quote of the Match: "Land it! LAND IT!", second award for Rites Bhai
Churan of the Match: Red Shirted Umpire
Waste of Space of the Match: Siddhant (not our Silver Surfer, I'm talking about the big lad) for his unhelpful 'coachings' and 'remarks' through the match
Pervert of the Match: Vinny, for his voyeuristic Darius-filming ways
Muppet of the Match: Roop, for his failure to add up our batting scores

Until our whites are next taken out and aired, remember
"They may take our lives, But they'll NEVER take our cockiness!!"

Karan