Of bittersweet memories....

The bus stops in front of me and I climb in.Trying to wipe my tears with one hand and scrounging for change with the other,I buy a ticket.I finally get a window seat and I settle down.As the rain lashes on the window pane,my mind goes into flashback and I walk through bittersweet memories.I remember the days spent in loneliness, when I was young and Mother passed away, the house became a dreaded place for me.I couldnt stand the empty rooms, the lack of her cooking's smell, her constant questions and remarks,her bindi, her gorgeous sarees...All I could see were the servants and my beloved dog,Bozo.His eyes searched for Mum who would feed him and I felt pity that how could I tell this animal that she wont come anymore.I was 12 when she passed away and my Father became a stranger.I hardly met him and didnt take any efforts to talk either.We both were comfortable in our loneliness and silences.I took to reading spent hours away from the house in libraries, book stores.Anything to avoid going home.After 6 years of unrelenting pain, I decided to leave the house.I told Dad that I wanted to move to another city to study.This was our first proper conversation after her death.'You want to shift?'he asked me, not even looking at me. I wanted to shout,Why exactly should I stay?Instead I nodded.'Why?There are excellent colleges here and I will find you a job.Dont shift.''No!' I said quite strongly and the determination surprised me.He looked at me.'I want to leave.I cant handle the loneliness anymore.The house haunts me.I cant stand it.'Tears started to flow from my eyes,tears for her,tears for the lost years and tears for the pain I have endured.'Okay.You leave but be in touch.'And he walked away.Nothing else was said, not even,'I will miss you.' I left and left my loneliness there.I didnt think what he would do in the evenings, whether he would miss me playing the guitar in the lawn, whether he would have food at proper time,whether he would visit the doctor regularly, I didnt think about that all.I became so selfish and revengeful that I never wrote to him.He always did.Once a week.His letters brought back my Mum's memories and I never replied.I met Sanjiv there and we fell in love.Over a course of time, I told him about it all.He helped me get over that, get over the sorrow that delved deep into me and changed my perspective.He always told me to call Dad but I never did.Three years passed and I completed my studies.Sanjiv asked me to marry him and I said yes.But Sanjiv says unless I talk to Dad, he wont talk to me.So I returned to my home, the place where I spent an excruciating childhood,but I am fine now.I think of the things I have to say, sorry and how much I love him and I smile.But the house has changed.It smells of food,warm food and flowers, the smell of a lady!I turn to find a lady in the kitchen.She doesnt look like a servant, shes well dressed.'Who are you?'I blurt out.'Excuse me, who are you?' she asks me.'Vasundhara!' I hear my Dad's voice and I turn behind.Hes changed and he is very happy.His face breaks into a smile when he sees me and he comes and hugs me.'How are you?I missed you so much!' I am confused.I sit down on the sofa.'Hello!I am Suniti Mishra.Your Dad has told me so much about you.I am so happy to finally meet you.' Her voice seems to be full of joy.I am still confused.She leaves us alone and soon I look at Dad who is very happy for reasons unknown to me, 'Who is she?' I ask quite rudely.'Umm..She is a colleague of mine.Well actually, we both love each other and we were planning to marry each other but I decided that I cannot do it without you.So I told her unless you come back and you dont have any problem with us getting married, I wont marry her.'I was blank for sometime.'You were waiting for my permission?''Yes.'he said and I remembered saying yes to Sanjiv without even considering Dad and I felt so ashamed of myself.Of how mean I could be and how I neglected him and how much Suniti has changed him, he looks so happy and I just made his life miserable.And I felt tears stinging my eyes.'Are you okay?'he asks nervously.'Yes, I am fine.You go ahead Dad,shes an amazing woman.I am so happy for you and I love you so much.'He smiles widely and I feel relieved.I tell him I need to rush and I run to the bus stop.To pick up Sanjiv.He has to come to my father and ask for my hand in marriage....Shikha

Whats meant to be......

I am disappointed.No actually shattered would be a more appropriate word.I turn around to move away when i hear sumone calling,'Ashlesha!'I turn back.Its Anupam, my childhood friend and my neighbor.'Hey!How are you?'He says with a broad smile on his face and i somehow feel hes happy to see me.'I am fine.And you?'He smiles again, 'Fine but where were you these days?'I reply, 'I had been to Bombay for some days.' 'Bombay?'he says with a quizzical look on his face.'Yeah.For a job.' 'But what about Mihir?' he looks perplexed.'Mihir and I are not seeing each other anymore.I am shifting to Bombay in two weeks.Chalo i am going.Catch you later.'I run away before he stops me.I am running in fast paces and my life in the last two weeks starts running with me.My father a school teacher passed away of heart failure and Mum and I were left with an emptiness that shakes you up.My cousins in Bombay got me a job and I rushed there to get it.After coming today I went up to my boyfriend or should I say ex of two years to meet him when I am informed by his servant that he got engaged.I do not have a clue as to why it happened and I am still hurt.
Two weeks later in Bombay, I am surrounded by eager kids of my cousins and they are all very excited to see us.They dance around Mum and I feel relieved that shes nt lonely atleast. We are to shift in our place next week.I start my work as a intern with a private hospital. I work shifts and time passes fast.Soon we shift to our house and Mum buys a dog.Good for her i feel.Whenever i treat a patient and ask him or her,'Wheres it paining?'I feel a curse settle on me, their pain can be healed and mine cannot.Its nt fair.Mum helps a lot by talking about it and so do all my cousins.Its very nice being with family and Mum says time will help.I hope so.
One year passes by.I am better now.I flirt with other interns too!I really like the neurologist Samay.He has a stability and i like that.One day we were just having lunch when one of the interns asked him,'Samay what qualities do you want in your wife?' And he smiles, 'To walk with me and to stop with me.'It really made me think.I mean how many men think like that?It might not be that great but it tells you a lot about him.We get close soon and Mum is very excited about him.One day he comes home for lunch and we talk a lot, he likes the dog.He tells about his family, father and little brother studying in the US.When i go down to drop him, he stares at me and says, 'Ashlesha, in the time i have known you, i have thought of you as a girl whose eyes betray her feelings, theres a lot of emptiness down there in your heart and i think you should learn to soak in all the happiness and joy you can today, you never know when you ll need it.All i wanted to say was how much i love you and would you like to spend the rest of your life with me?' I couldnt believe this moment and I hardly could blink.I stuttered,'Yes!' His face broke into a wide grin and i too was laughing like a monkey.I rushed back home to tell Mum this and she was ecstatic.Just then the phone rang.It was an emergency and i had to rush to the hospital.I ran.It was a young couple and their young 6 month old kid. The kids okay but the husband is badly injured and his face is all damaged.We keep both of them in the I.C.U.The wifes suffering from heavy brain damage.After 12 hours of gruelling surgery we cum out with no positive results.Our team is depressed.Samay looks at them and says, 'Buck up.We have more to do.' Everyone disperses for coffee.Samay and I settle in our cabin.He is about to say something when the clerk comes in and says, 'Sir,the police have found these in the car.He needs to confirm it with you.'He pushes some stuff on the table and we lean forward.There are some photos, driving license,bottle of water and a purse.When I read the name, I feel as if I am short of breath.The license says-Mihir Saxena.It cant be Mihir and when I look at those photos,its confirmed.Tears start coming out.I am unaware of whats happening when Samay shakes me,'Ashlesha!What happened?Why are you crying?'I tell him the truth.He consoles me.I shake my tears away.I have to be strong.Two days pass in extensive surgery.Mihirs still comatose and so is his wife.The baby girl is blissfully unaware of whats happening and shes so pretty that I feel a strong desire to have her.Mihirs parents had passed long ago so no relatives came and just one Uncle of the girl came.She was called Aarti.After 4 days of surgery Aarti passed away.I felt bad...What about her baby girl? We were hoping Mihir would make it. But even he lost his will to live on the 6th day and we lost them both.I broke down and Samay and Mum tried hard to console me.I went to look for the baby.Her black eyes looking for someone and she smiled...So beautiful.Samay came and stood next to me..'Do you want her?' I looked at him.What did he mean?'I said do you want this girl to be our daughter?'He smiled.And my heart was full of love for him.It was the most warm and joyful thing to say.I picked up the girl and she gave a big goofy smile.
Four years later we are married and now our daughter is happy with us.Shes the light of our life and I am so happy to have Samay.Our daughters named Aarti...Rote hue..aate hai sab...Hasta hua jo jayega.....Shikha

I am happy

Today as usual i was late and running from the rick to the station when i noticed my jeans were muddy.Not the whole u kno, jus the hem.Now i m nt that fussy, but i dnt like mud.Just cnt stand it.So muttering to myself i climb the train and i feel as if all the females are jus glaring at me and i swear one aunty looks as if she ll plunge into her handbag and get Surf out.Then i notice sumthing more irritating, even my shoes are muddy.And hell the look bad! And to be honest, i hate dirty shoes.I know shoes are bound to get dirty but i loathe them aneways.Cringing badly, i get down at Parel to change from Elphistone.Thinking that first thing aftr reaching col,i ll wash my shoes, i climb into anthr train.The train moves out of the platform on its own slow rhythm.I notice three girls who sell earrings, clips and bindis in the compartment.Nothing new about them.I wont mention how the youngest who might be hardly 6 couldnt carry the box of clips on her head and the eldest sweetly took it from her.I wont say how the middle one cutely sang a song when the little one said she was bored.I wont tell you that even though no one took anething from them, they were chatting happily and noisily.I refuse to mention how the little one had nuts, very few of them but she divided them equally and how they all smiled and sang sum song in a south indian language when i ate.I didt understand what they sang but i loved it and i wont tell you what made me write this blog....they wore no shoes!Suhana safar aur yeh mausam haseen.....Shikha.

Darius Mistry Presents

A message from Batman

Step

The rains lash against the window and i am bored of lookin out in the dark. its too foggy aneways. my dog, Bruno comes and curls around my legs. i m nt even in the mood for sleep. the watch screams thats its 11. i wonder where hes gone. my heart beats are racing.i wipe the sweat on my forehead and i look at the still n silent telephone,sumtimes wishing it wuld ring n sumtimes wishing everyone will leave me alone. i lay down my head on the couch desiring him to come back so i cn....i dnt when i went to sleep but i m awakened by the shrill doorbell. the clock tells the time as 12. i rush to the door n see him standing. he is wet frm head to toe, soaking in water, his face grim.he cums n closes the door.he drops on the couch n pats Bruno. i look at him enquiringly, he stares at me n says, 'He refused.' i start shivering.suddenly i feel quite disgusting. tears are already out,he gets up n embraces me. i break down n so does he. we both are shattered. he wipes my tears n says, 'Dont worry,Nikki, what if our parents refuse to be part of our wedding?i m enough for you and you for me.' i nod.he smiles and i feel so mch love for him, its like his smile is all that is there.he says, 'I m hungry. can you make me sumthing.' i move to the kitchen and my past starts moving with me. i think of the first time i met Vedant in a wedding. his father is my Dad's distant cousin. he ws 19 n i ws 18. it ws like being in a fairytale. i still vividly remember the way he looked, his black deep eyes and his hair falling over them, his dazzling smile. we talked n talked and i wished that the night wuld never end.he stayed in another town n would be leaving in two days. promises were made to meet the next day n i ws really excited.lying to my parents i slipped out of the house to meet him. those two days were a blissful time. he promised to call n so did i.we did call each other for many months but no promise was made. we loved being with each other and that was it.but i knew it ws sumthing more special. his calls were like an occasion in themselves for me, i waited for them with so much eagerness like a child for his birthday. i never expressed how mch i liked him for the fear of rejection.we dated other people and even discussed them but i felt that he was the one for me but since he never said anything i was afraid to say anything.slowly life crawled on and i turned 24, six years since that magical meeting but we were more sensible and mature now.my father started to look for grooms n my heart started to sink. i had to atleast confess what i felt.when i called himn told him, he just said, 'Nikki in these six years all i have wanted to do is talk to you, meet you and though we hvnt met i still know i want to marry you.' my heart did the bhangra when i heard this. i ws so happy. but the problem ws our parents.he told his parents about us on the next day n they called up my parents. they were very agitated. my mother ws shocked, 'How can you marry someone who's related to you?'my father ws angry. aftr two days my father said, I have called a boys family tonight n you will behave nicely.' i cried to myself, the pillow n Bruno being onlys source of comfort. my friend called Vedant n he said he wuld be there that evening by plane.he gave me a friends address and asked me to go there. i went out on the pretext of giving Bruno a walk and landed there. Vedants friends were already there. they talked to me n sympathised,i felt scared what if Vedant wont marry me?the silly doubts refused to leave my mind n soon Vedant came. the pleasure of seeing him cannot be put in words. he then left to talk to my parents abt the wedding. we are getting married tomm in court. My father refused and my heart bleeds at this thought that the person who taught me to walk wont be there when i take such a big step.i cry as i kno my parents are cryin because of me and i m happy because i hv Vedant.this bittersweet moment is disturbed when Vedant cums in the kitchen and asks, 'Nikki are you done?' i look at him and smile,'Yes i am done.' and i wipe my tears because i know tommorows morning wil bring in a dawn whcih wil make life better.i wil have Vedant and he wil have me and soon we wil convince our parents too. Pyaar humein kis mod pe le aaya..............
Shikha

Organisational Threats - The Lost HBR Files

I'm not bitter... Really, I'm not. I'm quite happy in fact. I had a fairly alright weekend at soggy old Karnala, which was enhanced by some top-drawer comedy moments and some genuinely interesting presentations.
So I'm honestly not bitter.

I am however mildly baffled and fairly bamboozled by the nature of certain specimens, who inhabit my midst on a regular basis. But let's play a game first. I'd like you to imagine something for a moment or so, if you will, gentle reader. For some of you, the imagination part may not be too hard, as you would be only drawing on memories.

Nearly six months, almost half a year. Keep in mind that so much happens in the span of half a year. But I digress. Imagine half a year of your life was taken from you in the most back-breakingly, ball-bustingly stress-inducing manner. Six months worth of your blood, sweat and tears are invested into something and you are told that it will all be worth it. You are shouted at, berated, chastised, urged and forced to toil into the night. But you turn up every single day. Why? Somewhere inside you, you keep telling yourself that it will all be worth it at the end of the day and you seek solace in that fact.

So this half year, these 180-odd days drag and drag and finally after taking ounces of flesh and gallons of your energy, they are finally gone and in a moment of craziness, amidst a melee of black shirts (too obvious?) flying at each other, you believe it was all worth it. You congratulate yourself and each other. Waves of relief wash over you, almost dispelling all memories of the arduous planning, fighting, stressing and toiling. You smile and you traipse away into the night, smiling that you were a part of something that made a bunch of people smile.

And then it's all good, until you happen to get a sniff of some of the feedback flying around. No product appeals to all customers and there will be discontents and so you take some criticism on-board. There will also be people who will whine for the sake of whining and so you ignore them. There will be people who will stab you behind the back. It's inevitable. But, you ignore them as well. You know that none of it matters and so it doesn't affect you. What does, however, throw salt in your proverbial game is when members within your organisation decide to be difficult. Now, on most occassions, this will involve the media. As with most things today, the media's always there. I can't rant about the media, though. Some day, it's going to feed, clothe and shelter me. But I digress again. Your jaw hits the floor as you read shockingly inaccurate 'versions' of events reported to the media by these aforementioned members of your organisation. You cringe inwardly that some of these people had been there alongside you from the start and should really have known better. You steam with irritation at the clueless who had probably turned up for just the solitary day during the entire period that you were out there busting your balls. Your irritation turns to disgust and fury when you hear that some more organisation members are indulging in gossip (whether speculative or malicious) about your scheming ways and how a certain integral part of what you are toiling for has been nixed with a view to embezzle large sums of money.

And what sizzles you even more at the end of the day is that you know that you did not toil for the plaudits, the mentions or the praise. You worked because you wanted to and then, you see your own people selling your team's work down the river, dumbing it down, trivialising it and distorting it. That's what truly burns you...

We come to the end of this little, 'Let's Imagine' story and there is no conclusion, there is no 'moral of the story', there is no request or plea because frankly I see no point in indulging in such practices. It's just the end of the story, s'all. Once again, I'm not bitter, I'm not angry but I am disappointed.