Of bittersweet memories....

The bus stops in front of me and I climb in.Trying to wipe my tears with one hand and scrounging for change with the other,I buy a ticket.I finally get a window seat and I settle down.As the rain lashes on the window pane,my mind goes into flashback and I walk through bittersweet memories.I remember the days spent in loneliness, when I was young and Mother passed away, the house became a dreaded place for me.I couldnt stand the empty rooms, the lack of her cooking's smell, her constant questions and remarks,her bindi, her gorgeous sarees...All I could see were the servants and my beloved dog,Bozo.His eyes searched for Mum who would feed him and I felt pity that how could I tell this animal that she wont come anymore.I was 12 when she passed away and my Father became a stranger.I hardly met him and didnt take any efforts to talk either.We both were comfortable in our loneliness and silences.I took to reading spent hours away from the house in libraries, book stores.Anything to avoid going home.After 6 years of unrelenting pain, I decided to leave the house.I told Dad that I wanted to move to another city to study.This was our first proper conversation after her death.'You want to shift?'he asked me, not even looking at me. I wanted to shout,Why exactly should I stay?Instead I nodded.'Why?There are excellent colleges here and I will find you a job.Dont shift.''No!' I said quite strongly and the determination surprised me.He looked at me.'I want to leave.I cant handle the loneliness anymore.The house haunts me.I cant stand it.'Tears started to flow from my eyes,tears for her,tears for the lost years and tears for the pain I have endured.'Okay.You leave but be in touch.'And he walked away.Nothing else was said, not even,'I will miss you.' I left and left my loneliness there.I didnt think what he would do in the evenings, whether he would miss me playing the guitar in the lawn, whether he would have food at proper time,whether he would visit the doctor regularly, I didnt think about that all.I became so selfish and revengeful that I never wrote to him.He always did.Once a week.His letters brought back my Mum's memories and I never replied.I met Sanjiv there and we fell in love.Over a course of time, I told him about it all.He helped me get over that, get over the sorrow that delved deep into me and changed my perspective.He always told me to call Dad but I never did.Three years passed and I completed my studies.Sanjiv asked me to marry him and I said yes.But Sanjiv says unless I talk to Dad, he wont talk to me.So I returned to my home, the place where I spent an excruciating childhood,but I am fine now.I think of the things I have to say, sorry and how much I love him and I smile.But the house has changed.It smells of food,warm food and flowers, the smell of a lady!I turn to find a lady in the kitchen.She doesnt look like a servant, shes well dressed.'Who are you?'I blurt out.'Excuse me, who are you?' she asks me.'Vasundhara!' I hear my Dad's voice and I turn behind.Hes changed and he is very happy.His face breaks into a smile when he sees me and he comes and hugs me.'How are you?I missed you so much!' I am confused.I sit down on the sofa.'Hello!I am Suniti Mishra.Your Dad has told me so much about you.I am so happy to finally meet you.' Her voice seems to be full of joy.I am still confused.She leaves us alone and soon I look at Dad who is very happy for reasons unknown to me, 'Who is she?' I ask quite rudely.'Umm..She is a colleague of mine.Well actually, we both love each other and we were planning to marry each other but I decided that I cannot do it without you.So I told her unless you come back and you dont have any problem with us getting married, I wont marry her.'I was blank for sometime.'You were waiting for my permission?''Yes.'he said and I remembered saying yes to Sanjiv without even considering Dad and I felt so ashamed of myself.Of how mean I could be and how I neglected him and how much Suniti has changed him, he looks so happy and I just made his life miserable.And I felt tears stinging my eyes.'Are you okay?'he asks nervously.'Yes, I am fine.You go ahead Dad,shes an amazing woman.I am so happy for you and I love you so much.'He smiles widely and I feel relieved.I tell him I need to rush and I run to the bus stop.To pick up Sanjiv.He has to come to my father and ask for my hand in marriage....Shikha