why.........

hmmmm....

what a day its been. i went to college even though i didn't have no "kam dhanda" in college. thought i'd take a nice class photograph but thinks didn't go as imagined. why do i always imagine how the future events should be, they don't turn out that way, not all the time alteast.

what the hell... my cd-rom drive just popped out...whats wrong with you computer? you just pops out for no reason without me pressing any damn button.

so, i went to college, met riya outside chatted with her then met vikram but never stepped inside college, didn't even touch the gate.
ok.....alrite....
saw a few people coming out, only some. but where the fuck are the rest? i thought the whole class would be here, lazy asses.
went to ccd then mocha saw a few good looking girls, admired them and left it to that. wish i would go further than that, but it never happens. why can't i say someone that i like them. why do i think that they'll understand me....why...why..why...

why... why is it that way. why can't i say someone that i like them, forget love them, i don't know what love is. never got the chance.
some of people are going to goa.. but...
im not going to goa, why i don't know. i need one chance to escape home, not that i don't like it but i always "love" a good vacation..... hmm...
nevermind.
so i went with darius to conform their goa tickets near xaviers, met them all, said goodbye. then i don't know what happened to me. it felt like
... i don't know how to describe it.... kinda sad...no.... nevermind...
everything just felt so blurry, the road, the people, the train... why did i choose not to go whereas i was getting rotten bored to death at home....

feel i've lost something apart from sleep and hunger. im awake so early inspite of sleeping late and never eat dinner at night athough i eat during the day... on no... the stupid phone is ringing...it has to be some relative who'll waste my time for good 15-20mins, there's no one else to answer it.... hmph.... i was right. it was an aunt.....

its been a wacky weird year, i didn't know i would change so much in a year's time. i was completely different in school. i had my own small group of friends whom i liked and sticked around with. i didn't know many people and prefered it that way.
Now, i know everyone in class, its good its different everyone's good and i like them all, but there's no one i can call a special friend(sorry everyone, no hard feelings). its just so different.....

why is the future looking so unstable, why am i feeling incomplete, feel that im lost, that im missing something that is very important not career wise, i just love bmm and wilson college its giving me the best days of my education, but character, person wise......
whats happening to me.................................

vinayak.